Our drop in the bucket

The wait is OVER!

2010-01-05T19:12:00.000-06:00

2009-07-28T13:40:00.000-05:00

So... yeah... six months and nary a word adoption wise. As you can probably tell, I've just stopped thinking about it altogether. It's not denial. I like to call it 'living in the present' or 'que sera sera' or... sure, denial. Denial works.

That's not to say that we haven't received the occasional update from the agency letting us know where they are in processing referrals. In fact, we got an email just the other day informing us that in September they will start referring infant girls to families with dossiers to Ethiopia (or DTE as the cool kids say) in November of '08. Which means we have only two months of families ahead of us! Which absolutely does NOT mean we have only two more months of waiting come September. It can take two or three months to refer one months worth of families. Does that make sense? They could still be referring November families come October for all we know. Chris and I have now changed our expectations considerably and feel we may have a referral by Thanksgiving.

When we started the process, I never dreamed it would have taken this long. I must admit to being surprised that I am not at all disappointed by the wait. Some of this could be terror, knowing that life will be turned upside-down by our new addition. But mostly I know that for us to be referred a child, a stranger across the globe has to first lose a child and I would wait a thousand lifetimes if it meant no one had to endure that pain. I will step up when the need is there, but I cannot bring myself to wish for the need.

Which is why I have shoved this whole thing to the back of my mind, and only give a cursory glance to any info we get. Which is why, when reminded by a fellow PAP (pre-adoptive parent... I know, right?) about immigration forms, I suddenly thought, "You know, we went in for those fingerprints a long time ago and never received our I-171H form... I should probably check on that..." So I scoured Google to find out what the darn thing looked like and what do you know, we'd received it way back in February, when I promptly shoved the inconspicuous letter into a folder and forgot it existed. Denial or not, I should probably pay closer attention to official looking paperwork, huh?

I have now finished the baby's quilt and moved onto other (many, many other) projects including a quilt for Ben who asked, "Hey, when am I going to get a quilt?" when he saw I had made one for his sister. So I have no shortage of things to keep my busy. Deep down I know that the days will fly by and before we know it we'll be getting a call from the agency letting us know about a wee thing a world away who is ready for us to be her family. Until then, we are enjoying every minute of our crazy, blessed life.

Hit me with your best shot...

2009-02-10T09:36:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was an adventurous day for many reasons (that I won't go into here), but chief among those adventures was the hour and a half Chris and I spent at the County Health Clinic getting our travel vaccines. Our nurse was a dottery old lady who was very grumpy at first (who wouldn't be if you worked at the immunization clinic?) but once she warmed up to us she would NOT SHUT UP. She spent ten minutes telling us how her husband drives her crazy when he doesn't plan things out and do things efficiently, and meanwhile she's randomly shuffling paperwork and drawing up the shots willy-nilly, forgetting what she's doing and where she is every thirty seconds or so. The irony of it nearly killed me dead. Chris and I got seven shots each and are only about 90% sure that we each got the right ones. The odds are fair that I got two typhoid shots and no meningitis, while Chris is the other way around.

So far we are okay, despite very sore arms and a bit of a headache. But I'll take that over dying of yellow fever ANY DAY.

Another thing checked off the list...

These days the waiting is getting harder, especially because I have a feeling that we won't get our referral soon enough to get a court date before they close for their annual summer recess. This means waiting until September before a first court date, with only a sixty percent chance of passing the first time. This is certainly not the end of the world, but it's hard to know that your baby is out there, needing you, and you can't bring her home yet.

I cope with this the way I always do... by keeping busy. I'm in the planning stages of making a quilt for our little one's bedroom. I have the design and the fabric, and I'm getting ready to do all the fun geometry/math that is really why I geek out about quilts. The thought occurred to me the other day: "What if I finish this before she gets here? What will I do with my time?" So I actually contemplated hand quilting this thing. We'll see how long the piecing takes, but right now I'm seriously thinking about it. Who has two thumbs and is a crazy person? This girl right here.

The fingers, they are printed

2009-02-05T10:41:00.002-06:00

Our appointment on the 28th went great, despite having to practically skate to the immigration office. I think it would be a miracle if Oklahoma ever had a regular old snow storm instead of these insane ice storms. The upside was that almost no one was there, so our wait wasn't long at all. The only other people there were also adoptive parents - and were also adopting from Ethiopia! It was neat to be able to share experiences and get to know them a little bit.

We've also received updates from the agency about the population explosion at the orphanage, and it's been amazing to read about the changes being made. They have hired something like twenty-two nursery workers, have started keeping detailed feeding and changing records (before there were so few babies that the nannies could just keep track of that information in their heads), and have found wonderful new facilities for the toddlers (who are also growing in number right now). I am so moved by the agency, the staff in Addis, and the wonderful workers who have moved quickly and decisively to make sure these kiddos get the best possible care while they wait for their families. Their philosophy of 'let's take care of the kids first and figure out the details when they're settled' is the main reason we chose to work with this agency and this wonderful country.

So now we wait again, both for the visa to be issued and for our referral. For some reason my intuition is telling me that April will be an important month for us... we'll see!

2009-01-18T23:07:00.003-06:00

While we aren't allowed to post the pictures on our blogs (due to Hague convention guidelines about international adoption), I am allowed to post a link to the latest AAI e-newsletter which explains the population explosion at the orphanage and has more info on what can be done to help. WARNING: very, very sweet babies in abundance.

This week we received our letters from USCIS letting us know that we have an appointment to get our fingerprints taken. Woohoo!

What does this mean, exactly? Darn, I was hoping you would know. I have filled out and received so many papers that I don't even know what's what anymore. Here's what I think I remember: USCIS is the citizenship and immigration services, and once our fingerprints are on file and 'cleared' (I guess that's another way of them making sure we're not maniacs), they can finally issue the visa for our child to enter the country. It can be 'legal' and kosher and she can be here for good. (Oh, if only it were that easy. There's still readoption and certification of citizenship and a million, jillion other court type things to tackle once she gets here to make sure she'll be a documented citizen for the rest of her life).

So what does it REALLY mean? It means that another milestone has been passed, another item has been checked off the list, and we're one step closer. And under all the circumstances, that's about the best news we could ask for. One step closer to family-ness.

Expect the unexpected

2009-01-06T21:02:00.003-06:00

Imagine my surprise when I opened my email this morning and found this waiting for me:

Hi – Your dossier is being shipped off to Ethiopia today via Fed Ex. Janelle

Talk about a brief but wonderful email! Fourteen little words that essentially mean, "HOLY CRAP! IT'S REALLY HAPPENING!" It's funny - just this morning I was thinking, "I need to post something to the blog, but there's no news and nothing much to say." How exciting that I was proven wrong.

On the flip side of the coin, I also received this message from the agency director through the listserve:

As I have mentioned on this list, we have had a huge increase in the number of babies at Wanna. We have hired new staff and promoted some of the
laundry and cleaner workers. However in this situation we are finding it
difficult to get them trained. They have not had experience bottle feeding,
mixing formula, even diapering as we expect to have it done to our
standards. We would like to find a couple of experienced moms or grammas
who would be available to go over for a period of at least two weeks to
volunteer with the babies to oversee the new workers and help with training.
Travel would be at their own expense but they would be able to stay at the
volunteer house at a low daily rate. If this is something you could get
away to do, or you know someone who might be interested, could you please
let me know?

Merrily

Talk about heartbreaking. The thought of a room full of orphaned babes is heartbreaking enough. When there are so many that the staff is unable to adequately care for them... it's unspeakable. It is taking every ounce of restraint within me not to grab my toothbrush and hop on the next plane out of here. Unfortunately, for a number of reasons the agency discourages families in the adoptive process from volunteering - too emotionally complex, I think. This has been a wake up call for me, though, and I hope to do something like this once my own family is settled in. In the meantime, if any of you are interested in an opportunity like this (or know someone who would be) drop me an email and I'll put you in touch with the right people.

Boy, we just never know where this journey will take us, do we?

Glad tidings to you

2008-12-23T22:52:00.002-06:00

More relatives were in town over the weekend, so naturally another visit to the Queen of Sheba restaurant was in order. My grandparents are world travelers and definite food adventurists, so we knew the place would be a hit. I'm glad to report that the food was every bit as good the second time. Seriously, if you have an Ethiopian restaurant in your town go to it RIGHT NOW. You'll thank me.

On the homefront, Chris has become obsessed with making injera (Ethiopian flat bread). How hard could flat bread be? you ask. Let's just say that there are precisely two ingredients (a grain called teff, and water) and it takes as many days to make. There's a reason people order injera online rather than make it themselves. We were unable to find milled teff locally, so we bought the whole grain. Milling it ourselves in not feasible, so a big jar of it is currently soaking on our counter where hopefully the husk will soften and allow us to make the yummy paste needed for the bread. This could be wildly successful or completely disastrous. I promise to keep you updated.

In the meantime, we are preparing for Christmas and hoping like heck that we have another little smile to enjoy next year.

A happy and peaceful holiday to you and yours.

One step closer

2008-12-09T15:21:00.002-06:00

We received the first draft of our homestudy this weekend and it was wonderful. Earlene did a great job outlining everything we talked about and made us sound a lot more qualified than we probably are.

Last Friday we spoke to one of the employees at Adoption Advocates who had read the first draft of the homestudy and wanted to clarify the age range of the child we're looking for. The homestudy stated that we were looking for up to two children from birth to four years, preferably female. (Early on in the process, Chris and I decided to open up our options a bit by saying that yes, we would accept siblings as long as they were both young.) The agency worker wanted to know if siblings were a top priority for us, as it is rare to find siblings so young. We said we'd be perfectly happy with just one. She said that was good news, because there were lots of single baby girls waiting for homes right now.

This was a surprise to us, as we were expecting something closer to a two or three year old. The idea that we might be getting a little baby never crossed my mind! But once the agency worker mentioned the possibility I was all smiles. I know the nights are restless, but who could resist getting to snuggle a baby again?

I'm still not sure about the time frame, but I have a feeling that once the dossier gets sent over (which will be any day now since our home study is done!) we will be about six to eight months away from bringing home our new munchkin. It could definitely be longer, but it could feasibly be shorter as well. Who knows?

How very exciting!

Ethiopia in Oklahoma

2008-11-29T16:10:00.003-06:00

During our homestudy visit, Earlene, our groovy social worker, tipped us off to an Ethiopian restaurant right here in Oklahoma City. Ethnic food? In Oklahoma City? Believe it or not, yes. So with my brother and parents in tow, our family made the trek to the Queen of Sheba restaurant at 23rd and MacArthur. Mimi and her husband run the restaurant and were possibly the kindest people I've ever met. Once we explained that we were in the process of adopting from Ethiopia, we were as good as family, and Mimi took it as her personal responsibility to introduce us to the cuisine and gastronomic culture of the country. She brought us the sampler platter, taught us how to use the injera (bread) as a utensil (in Ethiopian culture, food is eaten with the hands) and just about fell in love with Ben. Considering that the food is quite different than what we're used to, Ben was a trooper and claimed to like the injera and the carrots. Hey - not bad for a toddler at an ethnic restaurant!

Mimi also told us that every other Tuesday all the families who have adopted from Ethiopia gather at the restaurant to share some culture and fellowship. She hooked me up with the people who organize it and we're well on our way to having a local community with which to share this experience. How amazing, considering that when we got started in all of this we thought we'd be the ones paving the way. It's a delightful surprise to know that we're far from alone.

The one thing this adventure did more than anything was to remind us just how much we still have to learn. I read a great description of international adoption somewhere - that it makes you a bi-cultural family with the disadvantage of never having lived in one of the cultures. There is truly so much to learn about the country, its people, its history, its continent. It can get overwhelming if I think about it too much, but I just try to learn a little every day. We've already learned more about the world since August than we ever thought we'd know. That gives me hope that we can - and will - learn what we need to in order to help our daughter maintain her identity. After meeting Mimi and eating her wonderful food today, it's nice to know we don't have to do that all alone.

Homestudy success and other thoughts

2008-11-18T17:13:00.002-06:00

Although it almost didn't go at all (due to our social worker's car trouble), our homestudy went smashingly. I sort of want to adopt Earlene, too - she may be the coolest cat I've talked to in a long while. She was close to seventy, hadn't changed her hair or her glasses since the mid 1960's and inside her school-marmish self was a self-proclaimed progressive and social activist. DUDE. We had a granny hippie for our social worker!

The three of us sat at the kitchen table for two and a half hours while she asked us questions like, "If your friends could describe you, what would they say?" It felt a little like being on a game show, only the answers actually mattered. By the end of the afternoon, we were laughing like old friends and Earlene assured us that we'd be fine and she'd have our first draft to us in about three weeks.

So now we wait. After the home study is finished, our dossier can finally be sent to Ethiopia for translation. In the meantime, we wait (nearly two months) for our fingerprinting appointment. Once CIS takes our fingerprints, we wait (another two months!) for our orphan visa to arrive. Only after that has arrived can we officially be referred to a child.

In the meantime I will catch up with my reading - you cannot imagine the book list I have. By the time our daughter arrives, I will be an expert in early brain development, east Africa, child psychology, and Ethiopian cooking.

*****
I don't know if any of you listen to This I Believe on NPR, but Monday's essay was written by a father of an Ethiopian adoptee. It sheds some light on the beauty and the pain surrounding adoption, and put a smile on my face. If you have a few moments, head over and read it.

Homestudy appointment

2008-11-14T05:27:00.000-06:00

We finally have an appointment for our homestudy visit! Hooray! For those of you unfamiliar with adoption lingo, a homestudy is when a social worker visits your home, conducts interviews with all the family members, and makes the formal recommendation that, no, you are not serial killers and yes, would make suitable adoptive parents. This is the last piece of the puzzle we need before our dossier can be sent to Ethiopia for translation and processing. Once that is done, we can be matched with a child (or in adoption lingo, we can get a referral). The referral could come in as soon as three months or in as many as twelve months. It just depends on how soon there is a little girl who needs a home.

Our appointment is Sunday afternoon - yikes! two days away! - and I will write more once it's completed. Wish us luck!

Nor!

2008-10-28T16:26:00.000-05:00

Welcome!

Nearly all of you know us already, and have heard about our journey into the world of international adoption. For those of you who need some catching up, we are Chris, Jordan and Benjamin, and we live in Oklahoma where Chris is a professor of theatre at a regional university and Jordan works just down the hall from him as a box office manager. Ben is a lively three year old who attends pre-school and loves his tricycle. Recently we made the decision to pursue adoption as a way to grow our family, and are looking forward to bringing home our new daughter from Ethiopia sometime in 2009.

To some of you who know us well, it may come as a surprise to learn that we are in the process of adopting. In fact, adoption is something Chris and I have talked about since before we were married. This past summer we took a good look at our lives and realized that the time was right to make this dream a reality. After lots and lots of careful research, we decided to adopt from Ethiopia through Adoption Advocates International. Africa is a hurting continent, and unfortunately those who hurt the worst are often the children - innocent victims of circumstances beyond their control. When we learned of AAI's extensive work within Ethiopia - work that not only places children into homes, but improves living conditions for all Ethiopians - we knew we had found the program for us. We had the chance to make a difference to more than just one child; we had the chance to build a better world for so many.

We have started this blog as a way to make family and friends a part of our journey. Adoption can be a lonely road to walk; almost everyone has experienced pregnancy and childbirth or knows someone who has. The familiar milestones are rights of passage celebrated by cultures across the globe. Adoption is far less common, and so are its milestones. People not directly involved often feel like they are on the outside looking in. They want to feel a part of the experience, but are in unfamiliar territory. This website is our attempt to remedy that. We want you to experience this with us. So far, adoption has been every bit as exciting as pregnancy - lots of milestones, emotional ups and downs - but without all the morning sickness. I don't miss that part at all.

So come along with us as we walk down this crazy, unpredictable road toward the most rewarding experience of a lifetime - giving a child the chance to know love.